What Is Techno Again?

Torture can take on a whole new meaning in a world of magic and superpowers, and that’s exactly what happens when you play this game. Worlds collide, and no, it’s not nearly as cool as the Powerman 5000 song.

What You’ll Like

We Could Be Heroes …

Mortal Kombat vs DC Universe doesn’t completely suck. Every comic nerd dreams about what it would be like to have the Flash’s lightning-fast speed, or Superman’s x-ray vision (hellooo, Lois Lane). Now, instead of just reading about your favorite superheroes, you can actually control them—all for the ridiculous, ridiculous price of $45.79 (or 51.99 for Xbox players)! Throw a batarang, Lasso-of-Truth the enemy Amazonian-style, or smash your opponent with a giant green hammer. The power lies in your hands.

Unfortunately, no. Those aren't kryptonite bricks.

A few characters in the DC hero line-up didn’t offer many thrills (ahem … Luthor), but others were absolutely a riot to play. The Joker ranks as one of the best, and literally every moment he spends on screen makes the whole situation delightful (which really, really helps). Richard Epcar’s voice acting impresses almost as much as Mark Hamill’s does. And to my surprise, I reveled so much in watching Captain Marvel yell “Shazam!” as I wiped the floor clean with heroes and villains that I’ve grown to like the character a little more.

What You Won’t Like

Holy crappy everything, Batman!

… And the fun ends there, basically. There are so many problems floating about between the two merging realities, not even Green Lantern’s power ring could keep this game from falling apart like Gotham City on a normal day.

We all know that no one plays fighting games for the story (at least, no one who would call Arkham Asylum home), and Mortal Kombat vs DCU certainly demonstrates why. Even the Riddler would cringe at how much cheesiness and bad dialogue riddles the foundations of this highly predictable and cliche game. I’m pretty sure normal people can write better half-assed plotlines than this space trash that should be rotting in the Phantom Zone. By the gods! Every crack about “finishing him” and “rage” on top of the World’s Greatest Detective’s world’s greatest uncharacteristic stupidity, the disastrous Catwoman voice-acting, and the random insertion of a narrator near the end of the game made me sicker than Clark Kent in a kryptonite landfill.

Anddddd that's pretty much how I defeated Dark Kah---"KAHNNNN!"

“Get over here!” Block. “Come here!”

The fighting mechanics could chain together way better and smoother than they do, even if it is fun to dish out fatalities and “heroic brutalities.” Remember how you used to get stuck on bosses in fighting games like Tekken? Yeah, that doesn’t really happen here. The game only drains you of a few hours—about 1-3 depending on your skill level—per each side’s story, which are basically mirrored and end with a final battle against Dark Kahn. That excludes the Arcade and Kombo Challenge modes, of course.

Recommendation:

There are other fighting games out there much worthier of your time, but if you’re a DC fan or just curious about how truly horrible Mortal Kombat vs DC Universe is, then rent it—but that’s it. The bad in this game gives the good a formidable beating, topped off with a wicked fatality. But if MK vs DCU accomplishes one thing, it’s hinting at how fun wielding superpowers could be with more effort, innovation, and quality—because most of the DC team members were a blast to command, even with their limitations. Here’s to you, DC Universe Online!

RAGE ON! Wait, wrong universe. I shouldn't encourage them.