What Is Techno Again?

Welcome to the Order. Drop your shopping bags at the door and finish that Happy Burger, because you’re in for hours of religious chatter, bloody carousel rides, and enemies far from cutesy rabbits that are sure to make you lose your appetite. Even Robbie the Rabbit doesn’t smell of cotton candy.

What You’ll Like

Riddle Me This, Heather

Meet Heather, the first female protagonist in the Silent Hill series. She’s also the daughter of Harry Mason, the first unfortunate soul to wander into the black heart of the evil town of Silent Hill. The story throws her into her own demented world of evil malls, bleeding rooms and twisted mirror reflections, and demon gods. With an inevitable connection to Silent Hill that prevents her from returning home safely and escaping the nightmare haunting her, Heather’s fearsome experience falls in line with the series’ past expressions of darkness and torment.

James Sunderland is around here somewhere.

Puzzles are a staple of that torture, and Silent Hill 3 readies a decent horde of them for you to solve. They’re mind-bending and involve annoying amounts of numbers and word play, like all good puzzles should, and they’re not ridiculous enough to cause you to run to GameFAQs crying in shame. Like the good old days, you’ll probably need to whip out a piece of paper and a pen, so keep some handy.

Remember to Accessorize

What teenage girl would be her best without a few accessories? Thankfully, Silent Hill 3 comes bolstered by some nice features. Akira Yamaoka and Mary Elizabeth McGlynn join forces again for one of the best SH OSTs in the series. At the end of the game, you’ll be able to view an extensive list of stats to see how you well you’ve ranked overall and in specific areas—from boss fights to item hunting. Plus, due to the catalog of difficulty modes, a wealth of extras awaits you if you feel inclined to relive the adventure.

What You Won’t Like

Roll Credits, Already

Unfortunately, the third installment offers one of the worst and underdeveloped stories in the series. Basically a continuation of Harry Mason’s experience and run-in with the town’s religious cult, this time the Order’s “salvation” rests with Heather, the (spoilers) reincarnation of Alessa from SH1. Those who haven’t played the first game will undoubtedly be confused by the significance of the plot, which acts as more of a conclusive extension than a stand-alone romp through the monster-infested Silent Hill.

Many of us can relate to this boring and large, empty mall.

The game only requires roughly half a dozen hours to complete, and even less than that if you know what you’re doing. Certain unnecessary factors are to blame for the game even lasting that long; one of them being the frequent, repetitive cut-scenes with which you’re bombarded. With only four characters—and only two of them boasting any personality that you won’t absolutely loathe—and little fresh material to work with, most of the time they end up rambling on and on about the same things. Think of how many different ways you could talk about god in a religious cult context, then throw in a little extra baggage, and you’ll have a good idea of the flow of SH3‘s story.

Not to mention three of the characters are presented with opportunity after opportunity to give their mutual enemy the bullet, but inexplicably none of them seize it. It takes an injured and lousy detective, a dagger in the back (and heart), a lifetime’s worth of trauma, and the birth of a god to finally shut her mouth.

Talk to the Hand

When you’re not running around clueless to what you should be doing, or collecting random “key” items because somebody’s been watching too much MacGyver, you’re running around clueless while evading enemies like they’ve got cooties. Most of the time you’ll end up simply bypassing the easily distracted monsters, which can usually be accomplished without too much trouble granted you keep moving and you’re not exploring a cramped space.

The hospital staff are always complaining about Heather's messes.

Actually trying to navigate like a normal person can be a challenge, though. The game’s control system—which uses one analog stick to move and the awkward choice of a shoulder button to readjust the camera—could definitely use work, but at least Heather can block attacks and thus reduce the damage taken. On the offensive side, though, you’ll have to work with a shoddy aim at best.

Pick a Weapon, Any Weapon

Even without the unlockable, special weapons, Heather can beat, slice, barrel, and fry her way through masses of foes with a large arsenal at her disposal. However, most of them are completely useless, even as a last resort. Once you find the katana, you’ll never feel the need to use anything else unless you’re up against a boss—and even then the blade has its advantages.

Recommendation:

If you’re looking for a Silent Hill game to play, unless you’re a diehard fan and veteran player, Silent Hill 3 shouldn’t be your first choice. On top of the slow and torturous cut-scenes, the constant array of in-game music that eventually ceases to sound intimidating, and the severely frustrating gameplay (and Slurpers, damnit) that continuously forces you to backtrack, the game adds up to something more trouble than its worth. It might tempt with a few strongpoints—especially when it comes to its almost suffocating sense of dread and the genuine, subtle scares trademark to the series—but when you take a closer look and detangle the mess, you’ll start to question if there’s really anything there at all besides a squirming, demonic blob thing you hacked up and then watched somebody else swallow. 6.5/10

The following scene makes no sense out-of-context and is therefore hilarious. Enjoy.

“Sorry, I ate some bad game.”

Review format credited to the Girls Entertainment Network